John,
I love your new record. Yourself, Steve and Pino have done another great job. Like Continuum, this heartbreak handbook couldn't come at a better time for me. I promise to live your advice of staying human, staying hurtable and staying open. Thank you for being the coolest musical act of my generation.
Best,
Sean
Uninspired and growing tired,
why am I always so attracted to trauma?
So here I am, grown up at 23,
will someone tell me what it takes to be happy?
I play in my band and write a lot of songs
about relationships and how mine went wrong.
Maybe I'll meet that special girl along the way,
then she'll break my heart and leave me crying.
The thing about living in this city is that it doesn’t matter how vast it is, how many people it consumes, the speed it works in — it never seems to let me forget how many times I’ve loved and hurt and been broken, or where these things happened. It doesn’t matter how many new places, nooks, corners, high rises I discover, it doesn’t matter how many someones you surround yourself with — seeing that one flower shop, sitting in that park, watching that fountain flow, passing that church tower, running around like kids in the biggest known toy store in the city will never erase the memories you spent with the one you thought you’d spend something like forever with. And even if these places disappear, fall down, crash, or are rebuilt — you come to realize that the memories don’t go that easily, and they will stay, for however long they can, in the deepest corner of your heart, because at one time they meant the world and sometimes you’ll miss it, want to relive it, but someday somebody will change your mind and in time, the city will look anew again, ready for more adventures in love.
I can't believe it's been a year since I moved to Miami. Well, a year yesterday. It's not that it hasn't felt like a year, it's just been one crazy amount of emotion in 366 days. I'm endlessly happy to be back home in New Jersey after six months in south Florida. It just wasn't for me. I missed my friends, my beautiful and amazing girlfriend (she's one person), my home, my feeling like I was home. Those six months were tough, insanely tough on me. I definitely experienced palpable growing pains in the last twelve months. Emotional swings, tough, really tough decisions, issues bearing with the past, the future, present, nano-crossroads, accepting wins and losses. A wise man once said it's not the amount of years in your life but the amount of life in your years. I'm stoked (stoked being something I don't feel too often anymore) to say I've lived like that for the first 23 years and 11 months. I have no shortage of dreams and emotions (sometimes the latter is not apparent) but this past year has left me feeling dry inside, searching for anything inspiring, finding fewer reasons to do things because I want to but more often because I don't want to do/suffer the alternative. I never wanted to be that person that's bummed by having to grow up. I've never wanted to be like so many of the adults I was surrounded with as a child, scattered, stressed, graying and fraying at the ends. I never ever ever wanted that. It's fair to say I reached out to role models who barely knew me, or I only knew one side of their lives. And even the people I most admire, I wonder and often doubt my ability to uniquely replicate what they've done. In fact, if I could sum up the past 12 months in just one sentence, which is tough, it'd be that I've never felt less special, less unique or less important. I am young, and I know that, yet I don't feel like I am. I feel absolutely beat up. When you're down is when you really realize how many people lean on you, which sucks because I feel like that is ONE huge thing that I lack. I feel less like the downtown and more of the neglected bridge and I can't put my finger on it. I guess it's because I've had a lot of idealogies turn into actual experiences and haven't been happy of the outcomes. I've moved way too often, made way too many transitions and squeezed myself too tight too often. In a way it's all I know how to be: crazy. I guess the overall tone or still-hidden rationale to this is it's the only way I know how to live. And the thought of the future scares me when I know I shouldn't fear it but shape it. You can only live in so many moments. Dreams, the things that hopefully push us all, can be altered or tarnished so quickly with such little effort. I guess I have a lot of those patches on my sleeve and I'm not sure what's going to take their places. I don't mean to sound so downtrodden, so oppressed, but time is short and something nobody should be so blase about. I'm not so sure that old me would like the older me. I need to take some advice from a younger version of myself and stay stoked, about anything. About something coming. I want to be stoked for the future and for new experiences..
Couldn't get into Halloween. Couldn't fill a room at the Stone Pony. Couldn't miss the rain. I'm glad that weekend is over.
The Three Rivers Film Festival opens next Friday, and I shall be going for the first time this year. The festival opens with Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire and Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, and I think I shall be going to Gilliam's movie. Precious is bound to expand to Pittsburgh sometime soon after it opens. I also am going to try and see The Messenger, Bronson, Serious Moonlight and Thirst.
Everyone should check it out!
"Rain and storm and dark skies
Well now they don't mean a thing
If you got a girl that loves you
And who wants to wear your ring
So come on, mister trouble
We'll make it through you somehow
We'll fill this house with all the love
All that heaven will allow"
Living in Pittsburgh does have its advantages, but getting smaller independant feature films isn't one of them! Here are a sampling of the movies that I am DYING to see but aren't here yet.
Coco Before Chanel, New York, I Love You, An Education, Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, and A Serious Man.
These all need to come to Pittsburgh, pronto. Saw VI (this horse isn't dead yet?) and Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant seem to be the only wide releases coming out tomorrow. No word if Amelia is coming though.
Check out my good friends in Racing Kites and the amazing new electronic press kit they just put together. These guys are really as honest, hardworking and humble as they are in this video. They also have a new EP Right Here, Right Now available on iTunes.
Lemuria has become one of my true favorite bands over the past two years. I saw them at the Asbury Lanes on tour
Recommended starting listening would be The First Collection. Standout songs: definitely "Bristles and Whiskers", "Hours", and "Who Would Understand a Turtle".
For fans of Jawbreaker, the Ergs, the Pixies and Limbeck.
New Jersey music zine Jersey Beat has a great interview with the band on their website.
Hear more on the band's MySpace.
