Mego’s blog

Every summer, there is at least one big movie people talk about. Last summer it was Transformers. This summer, I suppose people could say Iron Man or Sex and the City: The Movie. However, I'm going to go out on a limb and let another movie define the summer: The Love Guru.

I am a Love Guru survivor. I actually went to see the film, simply based on the reviews I read (Ain'titcoolnews.com used phrases like "Holocaust" and "Third trimester abortion." My movie theatre manager friend went further when probed about it saying, "I don't want to talk about it."). Based on these reviews alone, I knew I had to see it for myself.

It wasn't funny from beginning to end. If I really wanted to laugh, I would have gone to see The Happening -- which did have me rolling in the aisles. But basically as I was watching it, I felt like I was watching the demise of a Hollywood institution. I grew up on Mike Myers -- from Wayne's World to Goldmember. Sitting alone in the theatre, I almost felt like I was petting my cat while it was slowly being put down.

However, the reason why I think The Love Guru is the movie of the summer is because it represents a growing trend from the season: aging comedians doing poorly at the box office. First, there was Adam Sandler's Zohan movie, which seemed to have died a quick, painless death.  Then, there was of course The Love Guru, which seemed to get the biggest lashing since I Know Who Killed Me (although I hear the folks at Fangoria totally jack it to this movie).  I predict/know that Eddie Murphy's Meet Dave will be the next film added to this trend. The previews are pretty horrible. Have you ever noticed it isn't an Eddie Murphy comedy without the voiceover saying, "Eddie Murphy. . .and Eddie Murphy!"? This immediately sets the tone for disaster. I'm surprised Bill Condon wasn't urged by studio executives to cast Murphy in drag as Effie White in Dreamgirls just so moviegoers would remember they were going to see an Eddie Murphy movie.

Perhaps moviegoers finally got wise to the usual Sandler/Myers shtick. It's pretty routine. Someone says something mean to Sandler, Sandler punches them, Sandler gets girl. The end. Myers is obsessed with sex (with women?), Myers faces problems with everyone against him, Myers gets girl. The end. I'm glad that after 10 years, we finally caught on to the formula. Way to go, general public.  

On the plus side, with these dated comedians stepping down from their already poorly constructed podium (imagine the humorous results!), now there's room for fresher faces like Steve Carell, Jack Black, and M. Night Shyamalan (I really think the kid's got a future in comedy). 

They say everyone has an identical twin running around out there. This thought has always disturbed me, kinda like the idea that someone out there has the same exact name as me.

I was at the grocery store the other day, doing some late night shopping, when I came upon my identical twin. You wait years for something like this, sometimes a lifetime. I had no idea that my twin would be in the form of a Pez dispenser.

Pez dispenser

Now please ignore the fact that this is not a flattering picture of me, and that I am totally rocking The Simpsons' overbite. But the dispenser is me. Actually, it's the chick from Bee Movie (see below). However, I find it interesting that this particular Pez character was sitting alone by the pastries -- where I would have been.

Bee movie

Yesterday, Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville was rereleased (remastered with an additional three tracks) in honor of its 15th anniversary.

I was probably nine or ten when this album was released, so I haven't been listening to the album for 15 years. But I do believe as a rule every female should be required to listen to this album and try not to become changed by it.

Even in the opening track, she warned women of the perils of dating: "It's cold out there and rough." Her descriptions were so vivid ("Scratching his face like a bum"), you felt like you were right there with her. Never was a female singer so frank and raw about sex and men (eat that Morissette!). She sang about things Carrie Bradshaw would meditate on over her computer some six or seven years later. And she looked damn bad ass doing it.

I first really rediscovered this album after graduating from college. I was a huge Liz Phair before then, but merely skimmed over this album, going straight to "gimme" tracks like "Never Said" and "Fuck and Run." The whole album is some kind of small miracle and should probably only be listened to straight through. She was an important pioneer for most female artists after her and even some out there today (Amy Winehouse, Lili Allen).

"Stratford-on-Guy" might be the best song on the entire album. I'm not exactly sure what it's about (Mile-high club? Imminent plane crash?), but it has one of the most haunting vocals. You really get a sense that Liz is moving toward somewhere else in the song. Where that is, who knows. But we all want to go with her.  

I became so obsessed with Guyville that I spent a good part of a month trying to compare it to its predecessor and inspiration, the Rolling Stones' Exile on Main Street. Liz claims that Guyville is a song for song answer to the Rolling Stones' 1972 album. The only similarity I can come up with is that both albums seems to make good use of the maracas. Also, "hit" songs "Tumbling Dice" and "Never Said" are both track number 5. Coincidence? I suppose only Liz Phair really knows for sure.

This recording of Liz from '95 singing "Fuck and Run" is probably better than the album version of this song. Enjoy!

When I first heard the title for the new M. Night Shyamalan movie, I thought we were getting another television show movie adaptation, with a 30-year update on what Rerun and Raj are up to. Unfortunately, The Happening is not a take on "What's Happening!!," but a take on how to effectively build a movie to a point and then throw it off a cliff (one suicide I felt was missing from the film).

I've been a Shyamalan fan from the beginning, and I've unfortunately seen them all (even Lady in the Water). I've given him chances and have defended him. I held his hair back when he was puking in the toilet, drunk from his ego after Lady. Like millions of other movie-goers, I'm in an abusive relationship with Shyamalan, and The Happening officially reaffirms that I need to get out of it. This is an intervention for me and movie patrons.

Shyamalan

I need to realize that for every great scene (Happening spoiler: people dangling from trees like Christmas ornaments), there is a lackluster Shyamalan theory that goes nowhere (the wind only hits people in groups of five or more!). Shyamalan lures me with great eye candy (Wahlberg and Deschanel), only to make me root for the Wind throughout the film. Shyamalan makes me excited for a "return to form" movie, only to claim, days before the opening, that he was trying to make "the best B-movie ever."

I find it strange that even in mediocrity, Shyamalan claims he's the best. That's a bold statement. However, I've seen better "B-movies" (see the Wicker Man update). Not to say M. Night didn't give it a good college try in the film. For example, drink each time someone says, "Happening."  You'll be drunk quicker than the "Trapped in the Closet" drinking game (in this case, drink each time someone says the f-word or a racial slur).

Shyamalan does, indeed, have a great ability to trap people, to suck them in. But Hitchcock, he is not. Hitchcock knew how to build a film and effectively conclude it. Shyamalan is like a twenty-something boyfriend to Hitchcock's ready-to-settle "man." He has no follow-through and manages to fuck it all up somewhere in the middle.  Like the hapless girlfriend, the movie-goers are left scratching their heads, vowing never to do it again, and hoping he at least returns their copy of Weezer's Pinkerton album.

I guess it just hurts to watch something like The Happening and for it to appear as a cheap Shyamalan knock-off. I can't say I'll never see another Shyamalan movie again, but it's becoming less and less likely that I will ever like another one. Ahh, I miss the days in the beginning when the twist ending was nowhere in sight.

The trailer for The Women was released a couple of weeks ago (if you went to see Sex and the City in theatres, you might have seen it). I, for one, was totally psyched to see Meg Ryan back on screen. It's time for her comeback movie.

Last weekend, I went to see Sex and the City. But before I went to see it, my sister and best friend consulted one another over whether I should see it or not. They both concluded that I should indeed not see SATC because I am "not a Sex and the City kinda girl." They then told me that I should refrain from watching it because I would "bitch and complain about it," and they really didn't want to hear it.

So I did see it. And it wasn't that bad. It was actually pretty entertaining. But just as Carrie has always hammered away on her Mac, asking life's most crucial questions ("20-something girls: friend or foe?"), I too am an inquisitive writer, posing: "What does it take to be an SATC girl?"

Sexandthecity460

From what I have gathered, it doesn't take much. One, you need to care about your wardrobe. Two, you need to appreciate feminine things. Three, you enjoy a good Cosmo now and then. Four, you use the word "girlfriend" or "sister" way too many times in a conversation. Five, you believe in the mantra "hoes before bros." Six, if you go to see SATC in the theatre, you laugh at every single thing that comes out of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, or Charlotte's mouth (you also applaud at the beginning AND the end).

An SATC girl is definitely someone you can pick out of a lineup. Every episode somehow correlates to her life or has happened to her at one time or another. According to my sister, any time four girls are together, they either mimic the Beatles or the four fabulous ladies of Sex and the City. I don't quite get this analogy, but I like it. This poses a new question: "Are the ladies of SATC the new fab four? How does Paul McCartney feel about this?" I guess nobody ever asks each other, "Are you a Fred Schneider or a Kate Pierson of the B-52's?"

So maybe I'm not an SATC girl. I'm okay with it. I think Carrie would be too. Now an Arrested Development girl -- that I can get on board with.  I'm such a Tobias.

I need a new party trick. Right now, my one claim-to-fame is that I can unwrap a Starburst in my mouth (it's all about the teeth).

After I went to see What Happens In Vegas (let's keep this on the DL), I wanted to learn how to do this party trick.

If Cameron Diaz can manage not to hurt herself with a big sharp object, I think I should be able to do it. Just imagine how kick-ass this would be at a party. I'm currently stocking up on big kitchen knives and cheap champagne bottles.

TMZ reports that Clay Aiken has impregnated a woman. The "woman" is allegedly his 50-year-old record producer, Jaymes Foster. Ahh, yes. "Jaymes." I suppose if you can't have the real thing, you go for the second best.

Supposedly, he "sperminated" her. So sex wasn't actually involved. I don't understand. If he were "straight" as he claims to be, wouldn't he want the bragging rights? Someone needs to shout, "Olly Olly Oxen Free" already and see if he'll finally come out.

Based on recent pictures of Clay, this is a composite of what their child will look like.

Jiminy glick

The trailer for He's Just Not That Into You is up on moviefone.com. Strangely enough, just the other day I was thinking to myself, "What would be the most random, unappealing pair that haven't yet appeared in a movie together?" No joke -- I thought of Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck. And whatdoyaknow, they are both in this movie. As a couple. Nostradamus ain't got shit on me.

Aside from Affleckiston (fun fact: they both had sex with Brad Pitt -- well, Affleck did Paltrow, Paltrow had done Pitt, you get the point), the cast in the trailer is pretty stellar. Jennifer Connelly. Scarlett Johansson. Bradley Cooper. Drew Barrymore. I'm most excited to see Big Love's Ginnifer Goodwin. But, question, why did so many big names sign on for a book adaptation that didn't actually have a fictional story or plotline in it? It's a self-help book, for Pete's sake.

Finally, I just want to say that I resent the fact that The Cure's "Friday I'm In Love" appears in the trailer. It's like wrapping a box of old shoes in platinum. If this is a romantic comedy in the "grand" tradition of 27 Dresses or Made of Honor, we expect some trite crap from Alycia Keyes or Natasha Bedingfield, thank you very much.

A fellow Starbucks barista told me about a news story of interest the other day. Apparently, there is a coffee house in Washington State that requires baristas to wear bikinis. A number of people are protesting the place because of the "ethics" involved.

One mother was outraged when she took her kids to "Hot Chick-A-Latte" and (gasp) saw hot chicks! In bikinis! And pasties!

Baristabikinis

Burning questions:

1. What mother takes her children to a place called, "Hot Chick-A-Latte" and doesn't expect to see scantily clad women? Did she expect to see owls at "Hooters"?

2. Do the women ever burn themselves when the hot milk splashes?

3. Do the women have the option of only wearing aprons and nothing else?

4. Was the "baristas in bikinis" concept inspired by the Starbucks logo?

5. Do they really make anywhere between $8 and $50 an hour?

6. Are they hiring?